A letter from your life…..

A letter from your life….. (3)Dear Gem,

Today you are being a massive girl … You are having a day when you feel life is just pants for no other reason than the fact that you say it is. On days like these nothing is actually wrong, nothing dramatic has happened, you just wake up in a disgustingly vile mood, hate everything and everyone and end up crying until you can’t breathe, covering yourself in snot, dribble & salty tears. Attractive babes, stay away from the mirror, for your own sake.

As the last few months of your 20’s start to fly by (shitting it, aren’t you?) I felt it was the perfect time for this letter and to introduce myself to you properly. Even more perfect on a shity day like today, when your drama queen crown is stuck firmly on your head and when you probably need to hear what I have to say to you the most. Sorry it has taken me so long.

Although we have never physically met, I have known you from your first breath and been with you every day since. I know you better than anyone in this whole wide world. I have seen you at your happiest and at your worst experienced your most hurtful pain and your greatest love and felt every day how strong you really are. Gem, I am your life….. Hi!

Everything is actually very lovely right now, if I do say so myself but you are only human and sometimes you can wake up, like today, a moody little cow and decide you just hate the world and everyone in it, including yourself (mostly yourself). As your life, these days are so very annoying and make me want to give you a little slap in the face.

So you’re feeling all sorry for yourself, stuck in a miserable little rut wondering what the eff is actually wrong…. But I’m here to let you know it is natural to occasionally have these days, even when there isn’t anything actually wrong. So don’t beat yourself up about feeling a little bit yuk and having a good ugly cry. Just let it all out, it’s your human right!

Personally I think we truly need yukky days to clear the air. We get the chance to let out all our girly emotion, preferably not in public as nobody needs or deserves to see all that crazy. So get it all out while eating all the chocolate on the sofa in your pants (no it won’t make you fat) watching trash TV that’s so fascinating we most definitely can’t go to the gym (no this will not make you fat either).Then we can shake it off… and move the eff on. Hopefully.

But during all that emotional misery you are feeling I thought you maybe need reminding of a few things…..

First and foremost you need to remember you are more than good enough. You may not feel it right now but believe me you are. The insecurities running through your head are actually ridiculous. The number on the scales is just a number, little mistakes are normal, the boy does love you, you make your family proud, you are great at your job and nobody hates you… not anybody worth your time anyway. Most importantly, this feeling does not define you and will not last for ever. These & all the other craziness going on in your head are just silly insecurities but also very normal. Just don’t let them take over.

Also stop putting yourself down & comparing yourself to others. You are you and nobody else could be you. The people you are comparing yourself to are mostly likely comparing their lives too. There are even parts of your life that some people wish they had… there is definitely some out there just dying for your big bum & frizzy hair, obvs…. But honestly, no one is perfect. You are perfectly you so carry on just being you.

Another thing I feel we need to address is your sensitivity, which can sometimes be a trigger for one of these days. Yes people can be arseholes, for no other reason than that they are just arseholes. Do not let these arseholes upset you. Their actions are their problem, not yours. And whatever mean/vile things they say or do to you shows what they are as a person, not you. Don’t ever take it personally…. Let them be little babes. Just give them a smile and kill them with your kindness. Always be the better person, you don’t need or want that negativity in your life.

Deep down you know all this craziness in your head is just that, craziness. And all the worries that give you that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach will pass…. tomorrow is a new day & it will be a bright one if you let it. Look back at 6 months ago, to what was worrying you back then. I bet it’s not even anything of any importance any more.

I need you to know that these kinds of days happen and will continue to do so. They are just a tiny little blip in an otherwise wonderful little life. You are also pretty damn amazing and capable of so much….. But most importantly, you are loved.

Before this letter comes to an end I need you to do something for me….. Think of something that really makes you smile. Picture this memory in your head & hold it until that smile turns into a warm fuzzy feeling that envelopes you in a hug. Now think of something that really made you laugh. I mean properly piss your pants can’t breathe laugh. Let that memory make you laugh until you your belly hurts…. Please don’t actually piss your pants though, you’re a lady! Now, throughout the day when you really feel the darkness taking over bring up these memories to make it is bright and a sparkly again. I know these two things won’t completely change how you are feeling right now but they will help a little to get you through your drama queen hate the world day, I promise.

You really are a massive bit of wonderful babes and I hope you learn to believe that. I’ll always be around to give you a little reminder though, don’t you worry.

So dry those tears & wipe that snot…. and stop being a bloody girl!!

Love always

Your lovely little life xxx

15 things I wish I could tell my 15 year old self

15 things I wish I could tell my 15 yearWhen I look back at being young, 15 is the age that really stands out….. it was an age where I had so much fun but also made some silly decisions. Here’s a quick list of the 15 things I wish I could tell 15 year Gem.

1. Do not, I repeat, do not cut your hair short…. It does not matter if everyone is doing it, if it looks amazing on Victoria Beckham & you think you have the perfect face shape/bone structure for the latest bob.. You don’t babes & your lovely hair will never be the same. Also, stay away from the sun-in… you are very dark haired, it will only make you ginger

2. Girls can be not only be mean, they can be effing horrible bitches, especially the ones you thought were your bff’s. Put your big girl panties on as you are amazing & they are obvs just jealous. It may hurt right now but they won’t matter in a few years’ time, they won’t even be worthy of you

3. Listen to your mum. You may not think it now but she is pretty much always right. She has the best intuition when it comes to real friends & fake ones, bad boys & good ones & whether you should really go out looking like that…. You shouldn’t, FYI. She will also be your biggest supporter, get you through every horrible thing that you think is going to break you (it won’t), teach you the importance of a good eyebrow, love you unconditionally & always be there for you when no one else is…. go easy on her & try not to make her completely crazy with your stupid teenage antics

4. Don’t be heartbroken about boy that you love from afar and is completely forbidden… in about 15 years’ time he will be putting a ring on your finger & promising to make you smile forever

5. Your obsession with fake tan is beyond ridic…. Your using far too much, without a mitt & it’s the kind that washes off with the tiniest bit of water. Just stop, wotzit orange really don’t suit you Gem

6. Do not take family for granted…. Spend every moment you can with them, yes they are crazy but also pretty bloody wonderful. Time is precious & so are they

7. They are called straighteners Gemma, buy some…. And maybe some Frizz-Ease. You’re welcome

8. Stop trying to grow up too quickly…. Being an adult is scary shit, stay young & carefree while you can

9. You do not need to wear that much black eyeliner. You are not a Goth and you just look dirty. Same goes for all that cheap sticky lip gloss you plaster on every two minutes…. You look like you’ve been stuffing your face with greasy chips!

10. That tattoo is not big or clever sweetie…. It’s a tramp stamp that you will spend every day of your life wishing wasn’t there

11. Right now you & your brother have a love hate relationship (mostly hate) & he is so annoying you want to scream…. But believe it or not in a few years’ time he will give you the most beautiful niece, be one of the reasons you find The Boy, give you a life changing book & after a drunken heart to heart at a house party he actually becomes one of your closest friends… Quick pass the sick bucket

12. You think your fat right now? No babes, right now you are perfect, so start embracing them curves before they turn into rolls…. And just so you know, big bums are appreciated a whole lot more in 2015, so you’re good!

13. Keep writing in your diary, it very therapeutic & will help you make sense of all the rubbish in your head… it will also give you a giggle (and maybe a bit of a cringe) in 10 years’ time

14.Teenage boys are not worth your tears. They are stupid anyway…. And they smell

15. Most importantly, everything changes in a day and what is upsetting you right now won’t even cross your mind in a few weeks. Stop worrying so much, show the world that pretty little smile & just enjoy being a pain in the arse teenager

Don’t mind me xxx

The secret diary of a yoyo gym member… Pt 2

The secret diary of a yoyo gym member.....After spending so long having rubbish motivation, eating rubbish and being rubbish at actually showing up to the gym I paid a stupidly eye watering amount for, I came to the conclusion that I was basically, well rubbish! Something had to change as my stupid excuses were no longer going to cut it. I was miserable and fat days were starting to be every day…. I needed to find something that I loved a little bit but would also make me fit, healthy & goddess like… was eating ALL the food going to do this? Nah babes.

I knew all the reasons why I didn’t go to the gym and believe it or not, exercise wasn’t one of them, I sort of liked that bit. Well mostly, kind of, sort of, maybe-ish.

But it was mainly lack of confidence and not feeling like one of them beautiful gym people that stopped me going. I wasn’t rich yet so couldn’t have my own personal trainer to kick my arse in the park while I got papped looking all glam, or even better, a fat sweaty mess making for great before pictures that would kick start the publicity for my new fitness DVD….. ok Gem, back to reality.

So anyway, I needed somewhere that normal people could go, somewhere that I was free to look like massive loser while training & it wouldn’t matter…. it also need to be somewhere that I wanted to go and wouldn’t find crazy excuses not to go. Like when you tell yourself all day, yep I am going to the gym, I am going to be amazing, I am strong, fit, healthly…. Ahhh man, that woman just pushed past me, spilling my coffee, completely ruining my day, then I broke a nail so needed chocolate, now I can’t possibly go to the gym tonight, it’s Tuesday anyway, who starts that shit on a Tuesday, everyone knows you only start these things on a Monday otherwise it doesn’t work, so I will just eat cake instead….. TRUE STORY.

Thank sweet baby Jesus that the universe had decided to play nice for once as the perfect place sort of landed in my life….  the amazingness that is Your Zone Studio.

The concept is like no other gym I have ever heard of, it’s a personal training studio where you train in a class with other members. The classes are split so for half you will do intense cardio (vile) & then you jump into the Your Zone for weight training (also vile) but killing all the fat in your body ain’t ever gonna be easy.

I left my first session a bright red hot sweaty mess, barely able to walk or breathe but I also had a smile on my face… probably a crazed one but a smile none the less. I felt that I wouldn’t end up doing my usual sign up, go all guns blazing for about two weeks & then forget it even existed as I restarted my love affair with Maccy D’s. And I was bloody right as for some reason this didn’t and still hasn’t happened at all. I love Your Zone and everything about it…. 3 months on & I’m still going strong, with great progress pics to prove it…. Progress pictures???? I am definitely on my way to instagram goddess status and definitely worthy of the hashtag fitspo, surely!?! Yes, I have still had a big Mac or two, but a girls gotta eat right?!?

My first session also opened my eyes a little. Having watched all the YouTube videos in the world about exercise, weight training, how to get that Kardashian bum and Michelle Obama arms, I thought I had a good idea about what I was doing and that although I do tend to give up on the gym very easily, when I am in the gym mind set I actually do pretty well and my training is on point…. WRONG!!!! I left my first session with the realisation that I actually had no effing clue what the best kind of training for me was. God only knows what I have been doing all these years but it definitely was not exercise, well not the kind that is really going to help me any way. And I don’t even want to think about what I looked like when I was doing it!!!!

The great thing about Your Zone is you never have to think about what you have to do that day in the gym, you don’t have to worry about a programme or looking in to which exercise is best for a certain muscle group or how to do it correctly….. the trainers do all that for you! You literally just show up, do as you’re told, sweat for England, burn all the calories you were naughtily eating that day & then you’re done…. EASY!

Then there’s the fancy smancy heart rate monitor system they have, I could literally talk about this bit for days…. I love it!!!! You wear a strap around throughout the class which monitors your heart rate (yes you can get it in pink, YAY) & you can see your heart rate on the screen throughout the session. Its colour coded from grey which is resting then goes up through blue, green, orange & lastly red which is basically I’m dying, I can’t breathe, somebody help me now. The aim is to get your heart rate high up into the orange & stay there….. here you will burn all the fat & all the calories & if you manage to stay in that orange for 12 minutes throughout the class you will continue to burn all the fat & all the calories the next day too, without doing a damn thing…. yep I will defo have some of that please!!!

The little bit of amazingness keeps me motivated in a way I never have been during exercise before. Being able to see my heart rate & what stage I’m at keeps me going throughout, even at points when my body is yelling at me to stop, I just need to look at the screen & see how well I’m doing & think of the extra calories that will die if I just push on a little bit…. It’s effing genius!!!

My favourite thing about this gym though is the atmosphere. I don’t feel silly in there, I feel comfortable & I can trust the trainers will get me through my workout. They’re not scary at all (although some of the workouts they make you do are brutal) & make you feel at ease from your first class. It also helps that Yourzone is like a little community, you start getting to know each other & get each other motivated during classes….. and laugh with each other when someone gets too into an exercise and falls over! A few weeks ago I feel off a bosu ball during a workout where I was trying to do this crazy super plank thingly (check me out) in the middle of quite a full class. Yep that did happen, but did it make me run for the hills & not go back? Hell no… I owned it, as this loser still burnt 497 calories!

Your zone are very big on the personal touch so all the staff make a point of getting to know who you are, how you’re doing in your training, what you do well & what you may struggle with (all of it in my case, but I’m getting there). These personal touches are great, they make me feel like I’m not just another direct debit each month, but that they care about me as a member & what me to succeed with my goals.

Most other gyms I’ve been a member of you barely get a hello when you walk through the door which can make all the difference, especially if your nervous or insecure about being in a gym or had a really bad day & you really don’t want to be there…. the first words that you are greeted with when you walk into a gym can change your whole mood & make all the difference to your workout…. Or even make you walk straight back out the door. Yes, this has happened to me, I am a sensitive little soul… LOSER!

My experience with your zone has so far been amazing…. Vey sweaty, but still amazing. It’s has shown me that you can be a member of the most amazing gym in the world, but if you don’t enjoy it, don’t feel comfortable there and it doesn’t make you feel good when you go it will never work for you. You need to find what you love in order to keep it up and make it part of your lifestyle….. Whether it is Your Zone, running, cross-fit, yoga, pole fit, or just a regular gym, it will only work if you love it. If you love it, you results will start to appear as if by magic.

Don’t mind me xxx

Wednesday wonderings of a twenty something girl….

Wednesday wonderings of a twentysomething girlAnother Wednesday afternoon where I am so bored that I convince myself eating all the chomp bars & mini cheddars is a good idea and definitely won’t make me fat!

So to get over my boredom here is quick list of the random wonderings I have had so far today…..

How is it only Wednesday? Where the eff are you Friday????

Could I actually get away with red lipstick? Or will I just look like a drag queen?

Can’t remember if I have 3 or 4 day hair? I really can’t be bothered to wash my hair tonight…. One more day won’t hurt surely

When in the hell did Chomps become 25p??????????

If I am a size 8, why is there a roll of fat between my armpit and boob? What even is this??????

I wonder how much weight I lost doing that PT session last night? At least 4lbs surely…. I need to weigh myself right now!!!!

Where did all these bruises on my legs come from? And why did they just out of the blue appear on the day I choose to wear a dress

Why on earth is it so hard to give up smoking…. I’m an emotional wreck and hate everybody

At what age will I stop getting spots? I am nearly 30 but have the skin of a teenage boy!!!!

How do I have teenage boy skin but also grey hairs? Doesn’t even make sense…..

So you have liked a picture on instagram, commented on a status of facebook and been on Whatsapp in the past 30 mins…. But you still have replied to my text from last night?!?

How on earth does a quick facebook check turn into a full blown two hour stalking sess?

What happened to strawberry & creams campino sweets?

Why is snow fairy shower gel only available at Christmas?

Why did I just eat all them chomps… Ahhh I feel so sick & disgsuting… ohhhh hello forgotten mini cheddars in desk drawer

Where’s my phone? Where the eff is my phone? S**T, my effing phone has gone, someone has stolen it, SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY PHONE….. oh wait, it’s in my pocket/hand/right in front of my stupid face

Why are the ones that call you fat, always bigger than you? Do they not look in the mirror? Do they think they are also fat when they are calling you fat?

How is it only 11am? Where the eff are you 4pm?????

Don’t mind me xxx

12 Things to remember when in a relationship with a ‘real life’ girl…

Bob Marley1. Pretty much all the time a cuddle can cure all the drama going on in a girl’s world. We may be screaming and shouting while snot drips down our face in an episode of ugly cry, but let us be a drama queen & give us a cuddle, even when you don’t want too. The crown will slowly slide from our heads & peace will resume in our world…… You’re welcome

2. We sometimes need a little extra reassurance that it is us you love & think are the bestest thing in your existence…. stubbly legs, no makeup, dirty hair and bloated bellies galore…. Just a little gentle reminder you think we are still the most beautiful thing you ever laid eyes on is all we need…. and maybe some chocolate, obvs

3. In under no circumstances are you permitted to use our face cloth to wash any part of your smelly boy bodies, that cloth is sacred…. same goes for our exfoliating gloves

4. We expect you to be able to read our minds at all times…. Yes we know in reality this is unrealistic & this makes us crazy but seriously, just effing try ok!

5. We remember every damn thing that ever happened throughout the whole of the relationship including every stupid thing you ever said…. Don’t even try and tell us it didn’t happen the way we said it happened, WE REMEMBER ALL OF IT

6. We will cry at any moment & have a bad day just because. So for your own sake always have a supply of wine/chocolate/ice cream/strawberry laces to hand, in case of emergency & that cuddle hasn’t worked its magic

7. If we ask you how much you think we weigh, or if we look fat, lie for eff-sake, lie as if your life depends on it, make that shit an Oscar worthy performance

8. We are overly emotional creatures that tend to experience life’s highs and lows in magnificent technicolour…. Just role with it, we are definitely worth it, honest

9. We require a little *ahem* extra time to get ourselves ready…. Just because you can jump out the shower, throw on anything and be ready to walk out the door within 5 minutes doesn’t make you superman…. Perfection takes time…. and so do great eyebrows!

10. The little things matter a whole lot and can completely change our entire day…. Waking up to a “good morning beautiful” can keep a huge smile on our faces until bedtime…. Waking up to fart, followed by your amused laughter will not have this same effect, just saying

11. Remember that day we broke our nail, ruining our whole manicure & basically our whole life? The heartfelt sympathy you gave us is the same sympathy you will get when you come home in a state mourning the fact that your team are shit & didn’t win…. Get over it!

12. Lastly…. She is bloody amazing…. Remember that!

Please note this list only applies to men that are actually worthy of having a ‘real life’ girl…. If you are not that kind of worthy no amount of lists are going to help your sorry arse!!!!

Don’t mind me xxx

The secret diary of a yoyo gym member

if-you-re-tired-of-starting-over-stop-giving-upI have never been skinny…. Not fat, but never skinny. A size 12-14, which isn’t awful by any standards but when your 5ft 1 and a little bit, that size isn’t great either. My size never really bothered me that much, I knew I wanted to be smaller, be able to wear all the clothes in the magazines and wear a bikini without feeling like the hippo in the coco pops advert but I always got over it and enjoyed my food. Then 3 years ago, just after Christmas I saw photos of myself from a family party and was shocked at what I was faced with…. Was that really me? Did I really look that big? What the hell had I done to myself!!!!!

I was the wrong side of 25 and knew that this wasn’t just about what I looked like; it was also about my health and what I was doing to my body. I knew I had to get myself to a gym fast!

I have always been terrified of gyms…..  not just because they are these places filled with crazy looking equipment that god only knows how you use, testosterone fuelled sweaty boys & at times disgustingly unpleasant smells. It’s because I have always felt I don’t look right in the gym, I don’t fit the ‘gym scene’ and I never know what I am doing.

Three years on from that day I saw the photos of myself and I have been a member of ALL the gyms, all of them! And it always goes the same way….

I start feeling fat & unhealthy so I run to a gym all guns blazing & sign up straight away…. I end up paying a ridiculous amount of money (because the more you pay, the better the gym, right?) to kill myself getting the body everyone but me seems to have.

I start off motivated, getting all new gym clothes, reading health & fitness articles, watching all the YouTube videos on how to kill my bingo wings FOREVER & putting together a weekly routine that I know I will 100% follow and pinning motivation quotes on pinterest. I am going to smash the gym, kill all my fat & I turn into one of them health & fitness goddesses you see on instagram…. EASY!

But then I have to actually go and I remember how scared I am of the gym. Especially when the gym is filled with beautiful people, wearing minimal clothing that shows off their super toned bods whilst doing these amazing work outs, that never in a million years could l ever do! It’s scary, fills me with panic and I really don’t want to go.

But I go and at first it’s a struggle to even leave the changing room as the fear to walk on the testosterone pulsing gym floor is taking over. So put on my big girl panties and give myself a talking too, telling myself all the classic clichés…..

‘When you feel like quitting, think about why you started’

‘Three months from now, you will thank yourself’

‘Suck it up now and you won’t have to suck it in later’

I feel motivated again so I get in there and start my workout. I‘ve got this, I am a strong confident gym member!!!!

Then I start looking at everyone else, how good they look, how hard they are working and how they look nothing like me. I start doubting why I am here, am I doing it all wrong, is everyone looking at me, laughing at this crazy lady running like Phoebe from friends on the treadmill.

It also doesn’t help that some of these gyms are filled with super model like staff, which appear to only have time for the supermodel like members, so asking one of them for advice is a no go & far too intimidating. Even if I did approach one of them and actually ask for help without looking like a loser they would only try & get me to sign up for personal training…. in addition to my extortionate monthly membership!!!!

I get through my first workout, feeling like a bit of a failure but I have done it and on my home I realise I actually went to the gym and worked out…. GO ME!!!

I go a few more times, each time getting easier as my fear starts to disappear and I feel empowered, I can do this and I will get fit and healthy. I start to even enjoy it a tiny little bit.

Fast forward two weeks and I have become a crazy person, weighing myself 100 times a day & getting annoyed when the number doesn’t go down!!! Why aren’t I seeing results after working so hard? Why do I still have bingo wings and huge love handles?

Mr self-doubt is back with a vengeance. I’m not doing it right, people in the gym must be laughing at me, I am useless & everyone knows it. This gym thing is not for me. It is all just a money making scam.

So days, weeks, then months go by, my gym bag gathers dust and I am nowhere near being the health & fitness goddess I aspired too… I am paying a huge monthly payment to NOT go to the gym because the thought of going fills me with dread…. and it clearly does not work, I’m proof of that. The big bad gym has won, I am defeated.

Then Your Zone Studio magically appeared into my life…..

Don’t mind me xxx