1. Pretty much all the time a cuddle can cure all the drama going on in a girl’s world. We may be screaming and shouting while snot drips down our face in an episode of ugly cry, but let us be a drama queen & give us a cuddle, even when you don’t want too. The crown will slowly slide from our heads & peace will resume in our world…… You’re welcome
2. We sometimes need a little extra reassurance that it is us you love & think are the bestest thing in your existence…. stubbly legs, no makeup, dirty hair and bloated bellies galore…. Just a little gentle reminder you think we are still the most beautiful thing you ever laid eyes on is all we need…. and maybe some chocolate, obvs
3. In under no circumstances are you permitted to use our face cloth to wash any part of your smelly boy bodies, that cloth is sacred…. same goes for our exfoliating gloves
4. We expect you to be able to read our minds at all times…. Yes we know in reality this is unrealistic & this makes us crazy but seriously, just effing try ok!
5. We remember every damn thing that ever happened throughout the whole of the relationship including every stupid thing you ever said…. Don’t even try and tell us it didn’t happen the way we said it happened, WE REMEMBER ALL OF IT
6. We will cry at any moment & have a bad day just because. So for your own sake always have a supply of wine/chocolate/ice cream/strawberry laces to hand, in case of emergency & that cuddle hasn’t worked its magic
7. If we ask you how much you think we weigh, or if we look fat, lie for eff-sake, lie as if your life depends on it, make that shit an Oscar worthy performance
8. We are overly emotional creatures that tend to experience life’s highs and lows in magnificent technicolour…. Just role with it, we are definitely worth it, honest
9. We require a little *ahem* extra time to get ourselves ready…. Just because you can jump out the shower, throw on anything and be ready to walk out the door within 5 minutes doesn’t make you superman…. Perfection takes time…. and so do great eyebrows!
10. The little things matter a whole lot and can completely change our entire day…. Waking up to a “good morning beautiful” can keep a huge smile on our faces until bedtime…. Waking up to fart, followed by your amused laughter will not have this same effect, just saying
11. Remember that day we broke our nail, ruining our whole manicure & basically our whole life? The heartfelt sympathy you gave us is the same sympathy you will get when you come home in a state mourning the fact that your team are shit & didn’t win…. Get over it!
12. Lastly…. She is bloody amazing…. Remember that!
Please note this list only applies to men that are actually worthy of having a ‘real life’ girl…. If you are not that kind of worthy no amount of lists are going to help your sorry arse!!!!
Don’t mind me xxx