I have never been skinny…. Not fat, but never skinny. A size 12-14, which isn’t awful by any standards but when your 5ft 1 and a little bit, that size isn’t great either. My size never really bothered me that much, I knew I wanted to be smaller, be able to wear all the clothes in the magazines and wear a bikini without feeling like the hippo in the coco pops advert but I always got over it and enjoyed my food. Then 3 years ago, just after Christmas I saw photos of myself from a family party and was shocked at what I was faced with…. Was that really me? Did I really look that big? What the hell had I done to myself!!!!!
I was the wrong side of 25 and knew that this wasn’t just about what I looked like; it was also about my health and what I was doing to my body. I knew I had to get myself to a gym fast!
I have always been terrified of gyms….. not just because they are these places filled with crazy looking equipment that god only knows how you use, testosterone fuelled sweaty boys & at times disgustingly unpleasant smells. It’s because I have always felt I don’t look right in the gym, I don’t fit the ‘gym scene’ and I never know what I am doing.
Three years on from that day I saw the photos of myself and I have been a member of ALL the gyms, all of them! And it always goes the same way….
I start feeling fat & unhealthy so I run to a gym all guns blazing & sign up straight away…. I end up paying a ridiculous amount of money (because the more you pay, the better the gym, right?) to kill myself getting the body everyone but me seems to have.
I start off motivated, getting all new gym clothes, reading health & fitness articles, watching all the YouTube videos on how to kill my bingo wings FOREVER & putting together a weekly routine that I know I will 100% follow and pinning motivation quotes on pinterest. I am going to smash the gym, kill all my fat & I turn into one of them health & fitness goddesses you see on instagram…. EASY!
But then I have to actually go and I remember how scared I am of the gym. Especially when the gym is filled with beautiful people, wearing minimal clothing that shows off their super toned bods whilst doing these amazing work outs, that never in a million years could l ever do! It’s scary, fills me with panic and I really don’t want to go.
But I go and at first it’s a struggle to even leave the changing room as the fear to walk on the testosterone pulsing gym floor is taking over. So put on my big girl panties and give myself a talking too, telling myself all the classic clichés…..
‘When you feel like quitting, think about why you started’
‘Three months from now, you will thank yourself’
‘Suck it up now and you won’t have to suck it in later’
I feel motivated again so I get in there and start my workout. I‘ve got this, I am a strong confident gym member!!!!
Then I start looking at everyone else, how good they look, how hard they are working and how they look nothing like me. I start doubting why I am here, am I doing it all wrong, is everyone looking at me, laughing at this crazy lady running like Phoebe from friends on the treadmill.
It also doesn’t help that some of these gyms are filled with super model like staff, which appear to only have time for the supermodel like members, so asking one of them for advice is a no go & far too intimidating. Even if I did approach one of them and actually ask for help without looking like a loser they would only try & get me to sign up for personal training…. in addition to my extortionate monthly membership!!!!
I get through my first workout, feeling like a bit of a failure but I have done it and on my home I realise I actually went to the gym and worked out…. GO ME!!!
I go a few more times, each time getting easier as my fear starts to disappear and I feel empowered, I can do this and I will get fit and healthy. I start to even enjoy it a tiny little bit.
Fast forward two weeks and I have become a crazy person, weighing myself 100 times a day & getting annoyed when the number doesn’t go down!!! Why aren’t I seeing results after working so hard? Why do I still have bingo wings and huge love handles?
Mr self-doubt is back with a vengeance. I’m not doing it right, people in the gym must be laughing at me, I am useless & everyone knows it. This gym thing is not for me. It is all just a money making scam.
So days, weeks, then months go by, my gym bag gathers dust and I am nowhere near being the health & fitness goddess I aspired too… I am paying a huge monthly payment to NOT go to the gym because the thought of going fills me with dread…. and it clearly does not work, I’m proof of that. The big bad gym has won, I am defeated.
Then Your Zone Studio magically appeared into my life…..
Don’t mind me xxx